Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
