the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize