Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
