oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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