um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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