Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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