p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
