dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
