the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
