so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize