Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
