I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want nice things and good sex
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
