I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and she was petting her beer can
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
