is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
