make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
me + whiskey = a bad person
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
