I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
