Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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