We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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