I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
