Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have demons in me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
