$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
