i need an iv and a liver transplant
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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