I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
