My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
