at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
