I just cut my nipple shaving
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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