I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
