I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
