i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
