I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
