U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
