Im at strip club and am horny
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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