At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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