He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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