11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
