what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
