At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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