i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
