I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
