I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
