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her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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