You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i now understand why vodka
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
