dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
