The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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