i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
