just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
