so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
