Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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