it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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