You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
