but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
