I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
