at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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