They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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