Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
