The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
