Midget sex pt 2 tonight
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
