Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
