are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
