When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
These tits shall not be calmed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
