We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize