My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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