i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
