what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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