i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
