we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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