Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
